


The Burrliza Date OR Agent Shadow Viper

by SomeoneHaiku



Series: That Burrliza AU [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Apologies, F/M, I Do, I couldnt help it Im sorry, I love Leggy, I wrote this in like an hour, Major Burrliza, Minor Leggy, Part Two, SO, Tags Are Fun, also kinda cracky, and I did, and by that i mean three people, and thats wrong??, and yall wanted more, but ask and you shall receive, but like, but mostly a Burrliza fic, counting my sister, does anyone read them, go outside, have a conversation, here it is, hi, i had waay to much fun writing this, if youre reading this..., ill go, it's mentioned - Freeform, its not serious, ive been writing philip with two l's this whole time, ive said this before, k sorry, like at all, like i thought there were two, of that fic, thank you for wasting your time with my tags, that my sister made me write, theyre super mega fun, what kind of name is philip anyway, why does philip have one l, with whoevers reading them, y r u still reading this, you just get to like, youre bootiful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 14:31:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12866514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeoneHaiku/pseuds/SomeoneHaiku
Summary: Part two of this fic, ft. Burrliza on a date and Philips super sneaky plan of evil.Sorry.





	The Burrliza Date OR Agent Shadow Viper

Aaron Burr was freaking out.

He had a date with the most beautiful woman in the world in the next hour, and he was just now realizing all his ties were ugly.

Well, perhaps this wasn’t the end of the world, but it most certainly wouldn’t do to show up wearing a yellow plaid noose of embarrassment.

Grabbing a decent-enough deep purple one, and glancing in the mirror, he rushed to his car, taking several deep breaths.

He could do this. 

He was handsome, he was charming- well.  
He was smart, he was… late!

Steadying his nerves, Burr tried to avoid distracting thoughts about Eliza’s beautiful smile, and sped off to the Flying Rose Coffee Shop.

~  
Phillip was really not okay with this.

He didn’t need a dumb babysitter, what was he, four years old?

He sat fuming on the couch, trying to formulate a way around this little roadblock, while his mother fussed and flitted around, fixing her hair 12 more times than was necessary, if you were counting (Phillip was).

The doorbell rang, and Aunt Peggy stumbled in, eyes glued to her phone screen, probably texting her boyfriend from France.

Phillip rolled his eyes. Were all the sensible adults afflicted with love? Ridiculous.

His mother gave him a quick peck on the forehead, grabbing her coat and car keys.

“I’ve got to head out now, be good for Aunt Peggy!” and just like that she was gone. Peggy made some affirmative noise from the chair she was now rooted to, and Phillip flexed intimidatingly at no one in particular.

It was time to start Phase One.

~

He could do this. He could do this. Muttering words of encouragement to himself, Burr crossed and uncrossed his legs at the small table-for-two he found himself at.

“Aaron!” a voice like a flute called over the rush of voices, making his heart speed up more than was necessary, and he stood up rapidly, only getting slightly entangled in the chair as he stood up, only knocking it over a little bit.

“Sorry I’m late!” Eliza beamed, hugging him, then quickly pulling away and sitting across from him, a slight flush in her cheeks.

“No, no, it’s alright” he stammered, awkwardly sitting back down himself. He cleared his throat, and picked up a menu, to hide his rapidly darkening complexion.

“So um-”

“So how was you-” they spoke at the same time, in a clash of words, laughing slightly as Burr set his menu aside. There it was again, her enchanting laughter.

God, he was smitten.

“You first,” she giggled, glancing at him through dark lashes.

“No, you.” he insisted, lacing his hands in front of him.

Conversation flowed quick and lively, and Burr felt himself start to relax, as he studied her little quirks and exaggerated hand movements, how her her eyes lit up when she was excited.

How did he get so lucky?

~

Phillip watched his aunt absentmindedly lace his shoes, stomping with satisfaction to see them light up. He was ready.

He was decked out in full mega spy gear, with his sneaky ninja mask, his night vision goggles, and a belt strung with very useful equipment. Oh, and the light up shoes.

Peggy looked up from her phone and glanced at his outfit.

“What’s with the get-up?” she smiled a little, gesturing towards his mega spy gear clothes.

“I’m a spy.” he sighed. Wasn’t it obvious? Grown ups.

“Riiii-iight” his aunt rolled her eyes in a way that was unappreciated by the kindergartner.

“Aunt Peggy?” he pushed on, ignoring her obvious lack of respect.

“Mhm” she mumbled, having turned back to her phone and rapidly started typing. He sighed in frustration.

“Could you stop texting your boyfriend and take me to the-” Phillip thought back to where Mom was going, “to the Flying Rose Coffee Shop?”

“He’s not my-we’re not-” Peggy stammered, blushing and turning off her phone. Phillip hushed her solemnly and presented her with her car keys. The flushed woman took them with a mild look of confusion as he practically dragged her to the car.

He had to do everything around here.

~

Aaron and Eliza were so lost in conversation that they had been there for half an hour before either of them remembered they had yet to order their drinks.

Humming softly and grinning like a fool, Aaron flagged down a passing waiter, a young woman with dark curly hair, and they listed out their orders.

Turning back to his date, he heard the bell ring, signaling a new customer’s entrance. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of curly brown hair.

Odd, that looked almost like Phillip-

He must have looked worried, because Eliza was waving a hand mere inches from his face, smiling softly.

Snapping back to the present, he pushed aside a growing feeling of concern to get lost once more in her twinkling eyes.

~

The Flying Rose Coffee Shop. 

The name had seemed familiar to Peggy as her nephew had rushed her to the car. It seemed familiar now, but the young woman couldn’t place her finger on it.

Pushed aside the deja-vu-ish sense, she also pushed aside the door to the coffee shop, hearing the jaunty tinkle of the bell announce her arrival. 

She also tried, with considerably less success, to dodge the embarrassment of Phillip referring to Lafayette as her boyfriend. Not that she would mind if he was, not because she liked him or anything, but, well-

Speaking of Phillip, where had he run off to?

“Phillip?” she called, glancing around the crowded cafe to see the bob of familiar curls.

“Right here Aunt Peggy,” he tugged on her pant leg, and she looked down in surprise, “though for safety reasons, it’s probably best if you refer to me by my spy name from now on,” he continued, “Agent Shadow Viper.”

Peggy smiled. Kids.

“Alright, ‘Agent Shadow Viper’” she tousled his hair jokingly, “now let’s go find our table.”

As she sat down across from a fidgety Phillip, her finger nervously hovered over the call button on Lafayette’s contact. Surely he’d appreciate the humour of Phillip’s mistaking them to be dating. She could always say her nephew wanted to say hi, right?

Steadying her nerves, Peggy sent a request for a video-call, trying to no avail not to break out in a blush when the Frenchman picked up.

“Hi Lafayette!” she smiled shakily.

“Bonjour, mon ami” his pixelated face grinned back. She brushed a stray lock of hair out of her face and moved to grab where her nephew’s arm would be.

“Um, just calling, um, because Phillip wanted to say hi!” her hand clutched empty air as she looked up, startled. 

Where the heck was Phillip?

~

Phillip was under the table.

Not the table his naive Aunt still sat at, no, he was under a far more interesting table.

Namely, that of his mother’s and stupid Mr. Buttface Butt, formerly tolerated teacher.

He cupped a hand around his ear, straining to hear what the faint laughter was all about. 

Deciding he didn’t actually care, a wandering eye spotted the temptingly untied shoelaces of his teacher. Reaching out cautiously, Phillip remembered he couldn’t tie his own shoes, much less tie together someone else's.

He needed a new course of action. He had never actually thought past Phase Two: Arrive At Date, or at least not in much detail.

He began sorting through his Utility Belt Of Justice, pulling out various Legos and crumpled pieces of paper, before he found what he was looking for.

Scotch tape, a couple of unhappy crickets, and an extendable claw hand.

Grinning evilly, Agent Shadow Viper got to work

~

Meanwhile, Aaron was having the time of his life, until a different waiter returned with their drinks.

Not exactly earth-shattering, but he got a queasy feeling when he saw Eliza’s eyes light up with recognition, then sadden exponentially.

The waiter, in turn, a man with long dark hair pulled back in a ponytail and dizzying eyes that seemed to be screaming every emotion at once, looked shocked, nearly dropping the tray he was carrying.

“Eliza?” he set the drinks down. Aaron read his nametag.

Alexander Hamilton. Oh.

“Alexander,” Eliza’s smile looked pained, forced as she met his gaze.

“What are you doing here? With this-” Alexander gestured to Burr, not bothering to hide his contempt. Aaron shrank into himself a little more, nervously averting his gaze.

“It’s a date, Alexander.” Eliza sighed delicately sipping her drink, and ignoring the man’s hurt expression, “if you’re allowed to move on so am I’.” 

As the waiter spluttered angrily, Aaron tried his best to fade into the background, as the argument continued. 

Eliza was saying something about someone named Maria and someone named John as Alexander’s voice got progressively angrier and louder. More and more heads turned towards the near-shouting man, and Aaron could have sworn he heard someone say “Dad?”, as he hid his face to the best of his abilities.

They were welcomely interrupted by Alexander’s name being called by the curly haired waitress from earlier, with an order to get back to work. Alexander stormed off, and Eliza sighed softly, taking another sip.

Once the hubbub died down, Aaron reached across and took Eliza’s hand in his.

“Are you alright?” he asked, concerned. Are you alright. Are you alright. He internally groaned. What kind of stupid question was that? Of course she was alright. God, this was the reason he was single.

“Yes, I’m fine,” she smiled sweetly, “it’s just my ex I told you about…” 

She talked on about their split, but he had to tune her out as he felt something scurry up his leg. Then another something. And another.

What in the-? He frowned as more somethings joined the first three, shifting uncomfortably.

Eliza paused, looked worried.

“Are YOU alright?” 

“Yes, fine.” he gritted his teeth in a grin. Or a grimace. He wasn’t sure.

“Are you certain? You look a little…” she trailed off.

“Perfectly alright.” he regained composure, resolving to ignore whatever was scampering in his trouser leg.

Until one of them bit him.

Which hurt quite a bit. Enough for him to let out a yelp and jump up from his seat in pain, drawing the unwarranted attention of many as he desperately shook his leg.

Finally he felt a sliding sensation, and watched as one, two, three… six crickets scampered out of his pants and across the cafe floor. 

He quickly sat back down, meeting Eliza’s stunned gaze with his own flushed face. 

Why him?

~

Under the table, Phillip muffled a laugh, eyes glimmering with amusement.

That had certainly gone better than planned. 

The next part of his plot relied heavily on the stupidity of adults, and their inability to see what was in front of them. 

Phillip had confidence in this next part. 

Extending the claw hand to it’s maximum length, and pulling the trigger in a few experimental grabs, he slowly poked it up from beneath the tablecloth, sticking out his tongue in concentration.

Hearing no interruption in the conversation, he wiggled it back and forth a few times until it hit what he was searching for.

After a few failed attempts at grabbing the object in question, Phillip switched tactics to ramming it as hard as possible with his grabber claw.

As he heard the dull thud, he scooched back rapidly to avoid being splashed with the coffee now dripping from the table.

He chuckled to himself as he watched the pair of legs belonging to his dumb teacher get soaked in the brown bean juice his mother loved to drink, and heard the ensuing screams.

Agent Shadow Viper had struck again, and he still had one more trick up his sleeve.

~

Peggy Schuyler was freaking the heck out.

She had played off her earlier panic to Lafayette as Phillip going to the restroom, and had been searching the cafe while trying to keep up a conversation for the past hour. 

And she couldn’t find the blasted child.

“Peggy?” Lafayette asked.

“Mhm” she replied, only half listening as she checked behind the trash cans for the fifth time,

“You don’t know where Phillip is, do you?”

She froze, eyeing the screen, as a new wave of red came over her. Great. She was probably the human equivalent of Rudolph’s nose by now. 

“...Maybe…” she averted her gaze.

There was silence on the other end. 

“Did you check outside?”

“I’ll check outside,”

~

All in all, it had been a great date. Perfect almost. (Except for a certain two incidents Aaron preferred not to talk about).

But now it was getting late, and both their coffee cups were empty (his from a certain spill, but details…)

“I had a lovely time tonight Aaron.” Eliza brushed her hair behind her ear, glancing at him with quiet smile.

“Me too” he muttered, blushing.

Their heads grew nearer, until he could smell her sweet perfume. Their eyes met, and he was drowning in her’s once again.

They both sat at a loss for words, getting closer, closer-

And then a voice cried out Eliza’s name and they both pulled back as a curly haired woman in bright yellow flung herself at their table.

“Eliza!” she said again, running a hand through her frizzled mane.

“Peggy? What in the world are you doing here?” Eliza seemed confused as she rubbed the girl’s arm soothingly.

“The Flying Rose Coffee Shop!” Peggy smacked herself in the face, “Of course it sounded familiar! That’s where you said your date was!”

“Peggy, slow down. What happened?” 

“Eliza, I’m soooooo sorry! I looked away for one second, I swear! But, well, he said he wanted to go here, and we came and when I looked up he was gone!” Peggy was very obviously panicking, waving her arms around to emphasize each word.

“It’s okay Pegs.” Eliza glanced down by Peggy’s feet, as if expecting to find something, “where’s Phillip? Weren’t you supposed to be watching him?” she frowned.

Ah, so Peggy was the babysitter.

“Yes. That would be the problem.” Peggy looked at her feet in shame. Eliza looked at a loss for words.

“You LOST PHILLIP?” she shrieked, grabbing the babysitter’s arms, eyes wide. Before she could say (or scream) anything else, Alexander shuffled up to the table mopily, brandishing a sheet of paper.

“Shh, you’re making a scene.” he frowned, “Ready for your check?” Eliza glared at the man. Aaron felt intimidated. He wasn’t aware Eliza could glare.

Before any party could respond to the situation, a loud yell was heard, and a blur with curly hair and freckles launched itself from beneath the table, latching onto Alexander, who let out a shrill screech of surprise, then clapped a hand over his mouth.

“DAD” Phillip Schuyler-Hamilton yelled from his position wrapped around Alexander’s leg, “BEAT HIM UP DAD” he wildly pointed at Aaron.

“What?”

“Who?”

“Phillip?”

“Holy sh*t”

Four voices shot off at once, and Peggy clapped a hand over her mouth as Eliza shot her a warning glance and an admonishing “Peggy!”

“Him,” Phillip continued, undeterred, “Mr. Buttface, mom’s date.” 

Well then.

“That’s not very nice, Phillip.” Eliza tried to pry her son off his father.

“Have you been under there the whole time?” Peggy said in an awed whisper. The child nodded affirmative, clinging tighter to Alexander.

“Where you the one that put the crickets in my pants?” Burr mused, too confounded to be upset much. Phillip broke out in a grin, nodding again and giggling. Alexander lifted him off from round his leg and hugged the five year old.

“That’s my boy.” he whispered, tears (of pride, one could assume) welling up in his eyes.

Aaron tried not to be offended. It didn’t work. He was offended.

“Not helping Alexander.” Eliza sighed, rubbing her forehead, “Phillip… we’ll deal with you in the morning.” she snatched him back from the still crying Alexander with an exasperated look.

Aaron quietly took the check and payed, while Peggy mumbled something unintelligible about tables. 

As the small crowd disassembled to an extent, Alexander heading back to the kitchen area, and Peggy leaving, supposedly to her car, while Eliza set a smirking Phillip on her chair, where he began playing with the silverware.

“Sorry about that. Really, I had a lovely time.” Eliza mustered a soft smile, stepping close to where he still sat. 

Bending down, she pressed a quick kiss to his lips, pulling back as Phillip screamed and threw a fork at Aaron, who was too stunned to care, his head filled with thoughts of her warm lips and how she tasted like honey.

As she waved shyly and turned to leave with Phillip walking by her side scowling, he collected his wits and stood up.

Only for the entire tablecloth to stand up with him, knocking dishes and napkins every such way with an awful clatter.

Looking down, he say the fine lines of Scotch tape connecting the lacy tablecloth to his pants.

Glancing back at Eliza’s retreating figure, he saw as Phillip turned his head around to stick his tongue out smugly.

Agent Shadow Viper had won this round.

**Author's Note:**

> There you have it, the labors of an entire hour. Please leave comments I love comments pls stroke my ego I mean what. This one was me having too much fun so its basically a crack tbh or like humor or whatever idk fam  
> *insert mandatory apology for shoddy writing here*


End file.
